Healing…its a concept that I have always understood, but almost from an outsiders perspective. From the time I was young, I have attracted scenarios in my life where I could provide some type of relief with my words. Because I am so sensitive to other people’s vibes, I now understand I have to choose what to react to. My intuition creates scenarios, especially with my own kids, where I have to decide,
“is this something I should address or let them
figure out on their own?”
In past relationships, I was overbearing, because I was attached to a certain outcome that I was absolutely determined to achieve. Today I believe that to attach to a certain outcome, rather than to stay present (the best way I have discovered to beat back fear and overthinking) and let the outcome of any situation reveal itself organically, is what creates a free flow of creativity and, the autonomy that we all need to create our best life. When I operate in this zone, I suddenly feel like I am strong enough to handle what comes my way, my confidence rises and success becomes more tangible in my life.
I realized something though, as I was talking to my friend Sarah this morning. Sarah and I have been close friends for 20 years, a concept that frankly blows my mind. We have traveled the world together and have always found comfort and common ground in our no nonsense approach to life. We see the world from a very similar lens and, I would say, that she is one of the toughest, most competent people I have ever met. To put it simply, I have always been drawn to her strength, and yet we have always been able to be the people we want to be, and be completely at ease in our relationship at the same time. I think there is a certain point in life where you realize that relationships like this are the gold standard. That trusted inner circle where you are your most genuine, and yet also striving to be your best self, without judgement, guilt or reservation, are the relationships that I treasure most in life. It’s a magical spot between acceptance and self improvement where success is born. From this conversation this morning, I understood more clearly that I have developed my strength to be able to handle my sensitivity.
Because of my mind/body/spirit connection, I dove into 200 hour power yoga teacher training after my own yoga practice produced healing effects in my own heart and mind. I have believed theoretically for some time in our body’s ability to store emotional pain as physical pain. Things like tight muscles and food cravings, for example, I believe can be tied to emotional experiences and traumas we haven’t let go of. Hippie talk for some, and a departure from my earlier days of bear down, ignore it and just get it done. What I know from experience though, is that my work ethic hasn’t changed, but the more I open my mind and soul to my own healing, the higher my energy level becomes, to the point that what used to take grind, now comes much more effortlessly.
Last Sunday, as I was finishing up a long day of teacher training, we were learning to do adjustments and practice teaching and my theory of emotional pain in the body became real for me on my mat. As Natasha, our most inspired owner/teacher/sage at Soho Yoga came over to me to adjust my supine twist, (knowing her levels of sensitivity she knew exactly what she was doing when she got to me) and placed her hand on my tøp hip, stretching it to release. When she did this, a lot more than just fascia was released. In a moments time, and before I could even sense it coming, a well of emotion sprang up in me and, as my lip began to quiver, one whisper of
“let it go,”
I did…and I couldn’t stop crying. I have so much to work through in my own body and heart space, but instead of that being a fearful endeavor, it’s a welcomed journey for me that is both unique and universal. I’m comfortable today knowing that this type of journey isn’t for everyone, but, I also know that the people I am inclined to surround myself with are on a healing path. Our stories are distinct, but often their roots are similar. Sometimes we have to be uprooted, and planted in a different soil, to create our most productive harvest. My outsiders perspective on healing is no longer, it’s a inside job, rooted in both strength and sensitivity and cultivated by gratitude and connection…and it’s bounty has yet to be realized.